1
00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:04,925
I got to tell you, the more
I read about the primordial
2
00:00:04,944 --> 00:00:07,634
gravity wave discovery,
the more excited I get.
3
00:00:07,653 --> 00:00:11,123
I know. Being an astrophysicist right
now is like being a rock star.
4
00:00:11,142 --> 00:00:13,399
Only without the sex.
5
00:00:14,401 --> 00:00:16,886
Yeah, literally, none of it.
6
00:00:17,778 --> 00:00:19,611
What do you think
about it, Sheldon?
7
00:00:19,641 --> 00:00:21,127
Meh.
8
00:00:21,916 --> 00:00:23,043
Are you kidding me?
9
00:00:23,062 --> 00:00:26,298
This may be the biggest scientific
breakthrough of our lifetime.
10
00:00:26,323 --> 00:00:29,823
How can you, as a theoretical
physicist, not care about this?
11
00:00:29,849 --> 00:00:32,056
Maybe it's because
I'm not an elitist.
12
00:00:32,082 --> 00:00:33,529
What I'd like to know is:
13
00:00:33,541 --> 00:00:36,620
How does this gravity wave breakthrough
help the man on the street?
14
00:00:36,633 --> 00:00:38,080
You know? Wh-Who's
looking out
15
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:41,863
for Joe Six-Pack and all his
quantum physics concerns?
16
00:00:42,497 --> 00:00:44,784
Oh, my God,
you're jealous.
17
00:00:44,803 --> 00:00:46,126
Why would I be jealous?
18
00:00:46,153 --> 00:00:50,232
Oh, I don't know. Maybe because the
origin of the universe just got proven,
19
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,805
the Higgs field
just got proven
20
00:00:51,824 --> 00:00:53,318
and you've been working
on string theory
21
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:57,647
for the last 20 years and you're no closer
to proving it than when you started.
22
00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,404
Yeah, well, I've had
a lot on my plate.
23
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:04,273
We happen to live in a
golden age of television.
24
00:01:05,344 --> 00:01:06,845
Excuse me, fellas.
25
00:01:07,571 --> 00:01:09,801
Sorry for eavesdropping,
but there actually was
26
00:01:09,814 --> 00:01:13,173
some big string theory news today
out of the Hadron Collider.
27
00:01:13,188 --> 00:01:17,211
Really? Did they find evidence to support
extra dimensions or supersymmetry?
28
00:01:17,237 --> 00:01:20,487
No, but they did find evidence
that you'll believe anything.
29
00:01:23,036 --> 00:01:24,736
Why would you do that?
30
00:01:24,759 --> 00:01:29,860
- You're a string theorist as well.
- Incorrect. I am a string pragmatist.
31
00:01:29,876 --> 00:01:33,283
I say I'm gonna prove something that
cannot be proved, I apply for grant money,
32
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:36,066
and then I spend it
on liquor and broads.
33
00:01:36,903 --> 00:01:38,924
Later.
34
00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:43,075
Do you think he's right?
35
00:01:43,101 --> 00:01:47,766
Am I wasting my life on a theory
that can never be proven?
36
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:53,050
Maybe. But how great
is Game of Thrones?
37
00:01:53,789 --> 00:01:57,194
♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪
38
00:01:57,214 --> 00:02:01,048
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
39
00:02:01,075 --> 00:02:02,369
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
40
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:05,279
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
41
00:02:05,306 --> 00:02:07,326
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
42
00:02:07,352 --> 00:02:10,114
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
43
00:02:10,127 --> 00:02:12,214
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
44
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,405
♪ Bang! ♪
45
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:16,034
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x20 ♪
The Relationship Diremption
Original Air Date on April 10
46
00:02:16,047 --> 00:02:18,647
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
47
00:02:21,985 --> 00:02:24,145
Hey, you're up early.
48
00:02:24,168 --> 00:02:25,208
I couldn't sleep.
49
00:02:25,221 --> 00:02:29,214
I told you those Walking Dead
pillowcases were a bad idea.
50
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,040
No, that's not it.
51
00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,700
Is something
bothering you?
52
00:02:33,706 --> 00:02:36,433
Yes, but you
wouldn't understand.
53
00:02:36,452 --> 00:02:39,121
Oh, come on, try me.
54
00:02:39,621 --> 00:02:41,694
All right.
55
00:02:43,726 --> 00:02:46,636
I've devoted the prime
of my life to string theory
56
00:02:46,649 --> 00:02:50,203
and its quest for the
compactification of extra dimensions.
57
00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:53,844
I've got nothing to show for it,
and I feel like a fool.
58
00:02:54,804 --> 00:02:56,577
Okay. I get it.
59
00:02:56,597 --> 00:02:59,593
I mean, not all the jibberjabber
in the middle, but...
60
00:03:00,736 --> 00:03:02,870
I know what it's like to put your
heart and soul into something
61
00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:04,877
and get nothing out of it.
62
00:03:04,909 --> 00:03:07,018
You mean your
acting career?
63
00:03:08,737 --> 00:03:09,744
No.
64
00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:12,100
Your relationship
with Leonard?
65
00:03:13,189 --> 00:03:14,216
No.
66
00:03:14,231 --> 00:03:17,174
- Your failed attempt to
go back to college? - No!
67
00:03:17,774 --> 00:03:20,421
I'm saying you and string theory
sound like a relationship,
68
00:03:20,428 --> 00:03:21,734
and I know what it's
like to be in one
69
00:03:21,754 --> 00:03:25,159
and realize it's never gonna
turn out the way you want.
70
00:03:25,188 --> 00:03:27,657
I said Leonard;
You said no.
71
00:03:28,352 --> 00:03:31,079
I'm talking about
other guys.
72
00:03:31,094 --> 00:03:32,352
Okay.
73
00:03:32,370 --> 00:03:35,080
Well, what do you do?
74
00:03:35,098 --> 00:03:37,258
You have to have the courage
to end the relationship.
75
00:03:37,274 --> 00:03:40,465
You know? Break it off,
shake hands, walk away.
76
00:03:41,937 --> 00:03:43,984
I don't know if I can do that.
77
00:03:44,011 --> 00:03:47,235
I know it's hard, honey, but in
the end, that's how you grow.
78
00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:54,775
Penny, have you seen
my good inhaler?
79
00:03:56,673 --> 00:03:59,448
Break it off, shake
hands, walk away.
80
00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:07,060
Hey, how's dating
two women going?
81
00:04:07,073 --> 00:04:09,404
Um, kind of hit a bump.
82
00:04:09,425 --> 00:04:12,099
When I was honest and told Emily
she wasn't the only person
83
00:04:12,105 --> 00:04:15,706
I was seeing, it went great. So I
tried the same thing with Lucy.
84
00:04:15,726 --> 00:04:16,629
And?
85
00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:19,273
She had mixed feelings.
86
00:04:20,203 --> 00:04:22,073
But when I said,
"Emily was cool with it.
87
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:25,251
Emily's the best. Why can't
you be more like Emily?"...
88
00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:29,765
...those feelings
became less mixed.
89
00:04:31,886 --> 00:04:35,069
Women. Who knows
what'll set 'em off?
90
00:04:35,872 --> 00:04:38,595
At least now I can focus all
my energies on just one girl.
91
00:04:38,614 --> 00:04:40,702
I hope I get to meet her
as soon as possible.
92
00:04:40,721 --> 00:04:42,574
Why the rush?
She isn't going anywhere.
93
00:04:42,594 --> 00:04:45,055
She is. But I like
that attitude.
94
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:50,793
Gentlemen, is anybody interested
in my old string theory books?
95
00:04:50,806 --> 00:04:52,553
You're really
going to do this?
96
00:04:52,573 --> 00:04:57,348
I am. Yeah, Penny pointed out that what I'm
going through is essentially a breakup.
97
00:04:57,361 --> 00:05:00,469
And according to
Cosmopolitan magazine,
98
00:05:00,496 --> 00:05:02,749
one of the most effective
techniques for moving on
99
00:05:02,768 --> 00:05:05,618
is to get rid of all reminders
of the relationship.
100
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,671
- You're reading Cosmo?
- Yes.
101
00:05:07,691 --> 00:05:10,009
As it turns out,
there's an article,
102
00:05:10,029 --> 00:05:13,849
on how to get over a breakup
in literally every issue.
103
00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:17,882
Anyway, it suggests that
I set these on fire,
104
00:05:17,914 --> 00:05:22,965
but the smell of burning books reminds
me of church picnics in East Texas.
105
00:05:24,719 --> 00:05:26,268
- What's this?
- Oh,
106
00:05:26,287 --> 00:05:29,769
that's just a doodle of a
hyperelliptic Riemann surface.
107
00:05:29,782 --> 00:05:33,004
Oh, yeah. Wasn't that the basis
of your postdoc fellowship?
108
00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:34,697
It was.
109
00:05:34,724 --> 00:05:37,244
This seemed so
elegant at the time,
110
00:05:37,251 --> 00:05:40,878
but... now I realize I was
just a simple country boy
111
00:05:40,904 --> 00:05:46,043
seduced by a big city theory with
variables in all the right places.
112
00:05:47,410 --> 00:05:49,777
- It's going to be okay.
- I know.
113
00:05:49,803 --> 00:05:52,111
As hard as this is,
I have to move on.
114
00:05:52,135 --> 00:05:57,017
I can't keep postulating multidimensional
entities and get nothing in return.
115
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,216
I have needs, too.
116
00:06:04,495 --> 00:06:06,008
So, you and Emily
still together?
117
00:06:13,476 --> 00:06:15,683
I spoke to Bernadette.
She's free tomorrow night.
118
00:06:15,702 --> 00:06:17,576
Oh, okay, great.
119
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,434
But if we're really
gonna do a double date,
120
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:21,800
then we have to go over some
ground rules about Emily.
121
00:06:21,820 --> 00:06:25,856
Like when it turns out she's made
of rubber, I don't say anything?
122
00:06:27,803 --> 00:06:29,125
She's very real.
123
00:06:29,145 --> 00:06:32,060
Oh, that's what it
says on the box.
124
00:06:33,155 --> 00:06:35,907
Right next to
"dishwasher safe."
125
00:06:36,765 --> 00:06:38,836
See? This is exactly
the kind of thing
126
00:06:38,843 --> 00:06:40,489
I'm worried about you
saying in front of her.
127
00:06:40,509 --> 00:06:42,807
I promise I'll be on
my best behavior.
128
00:06:42,827 --> 00:06:47,093
You better be. No jokes about
how close I am with my dog.
129
00:06:47,110 --> 00:06:50,185
Or the truth about how
close I am with my dog.
130
00:06:51,154 --> 00:06:53,852
- You got it. - No jokes about
the year I took ballet.
131
00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:55,872
You took ballet?
132
00:06:56,592 --> 00:06:58,888
God, you never listen.
133
00:07:01,537 --> 00:07:03,757
Are you sure you
want to do this?
134
00:07:03,773 --> 00:07:05,948
The magazine articles suggest
that one of the ways
135
00:07:05,961 --> 00:07:08,386
to get over a breakup
is a new look.
136
00:07:08,406 --> 00:07:12,853
Mmm. What about your old look,
well-groomed ventriloquist doll?
137
00:07:14,663 --> 00:07:18,143
- "Oh, my God, I do look like that."
- Stop it!
138
00:07:19,734 --> 00:07:22,134
- So, how do you want
me to cut it? - Oh,
139
00:07:22,147 --> 00:07:26,573
how about Bill Gates
meets Nikola Tesla?
140
00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:30,587
So, business in the front,
science in the back.
141
00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:34,446
Or I don't cut it and maybe
just style it a little.
142
00:07:34,464 --> 00:07:35,911
Oh, I'm in your hands.
143
00:07:35,930 --> 00:07:41,463
Do a good job and I'll tell you Cosmo's
ten dynamite tips to enjoy your PMS.
144
00:07:42,538 --> 00:07:45,291
Can you keep him quiet? Maybe
jangle some keys in front of him?
145
00:07:45,329 --> 00:07:49,158
That doesn't work anymore. He just
thinks I'm taking him to the doctor.
146
00:07:50,592 --> 00:07:54,661
So, now that you're no longer invested in
string theory, what are you gonna pursue?
147
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:57,199
Oh, there are so
many exciting areas:
148
00:07:57,234 --> 00:07:59,547
- Black holes, dark matter...
- Oh,
149
00:07:59,574 --> 00:08:02,980
Leonard was telling me about dark matter,
but I didn't really understand it.
150
00:08:02,999 --> 00:08:05,964
Don't feel bad.
Neither does he.
151
00:08:09,438 --> 00:08:11,523
Okay...
152
00:08:11,994 --> 00:08:14,161
what do you think?
153
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,735
Have you ever even seen
a picture of Tesla?
154
00:08:19,569 --> 00:08:21,019
It actually looks
good, Sheldon.
155
00:08:21,039 --> 00:08:23,179
- Doesn't it?
- Yeah.
156
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:27,454
I suppose I could see myself
in a scientific boy band.
157
00:08:28,398 --> 00:08:31,044
Of course, I'd be the dreamy
one and the smart one.
158
00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:34,406
Sorry I'm late.
159
00:08:34,965 --> 00:08:36,542
What did you do?
160
00:08:36,561 --> 00:08:39,108
I gave him a new look.
It's cute, huh?
161
00:08:39,135 --> 00:08:42,216
Yeah, it's cute.
That's the problem.
162
00:08:42,229 --> 00:08:46,202
I don't need other girls to see him
walking around like sex on a stick.
163
00:08:48,443 --> 00:08:51,273
She's right. I'm too hot.
164
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:57,384
I'm excited to meet Emily.
165
00:08:57,420 --> 00:09:00,327
Me, too. I just hope
he doesn't blow it.
166
00:09:00,356 --> 00:09:01,989
Why would you say that?
167
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:05,217
Because he's Raj--
that's his thing.
168
00:09:05,482 --> 00:09:09,042
Beckham can bend it, Ralph
can wreck it, Raj can blow it.
169
00:09:10,340 --> 00:09:11,920
Look, I don't want
it to happen,
170
00:09:11,933 --> 00:09:15,310
but odds are he's gonna
find a way to...
171
00:09:16,105 --> 00:09:18,025
Oh, crap, I
know that girl.
172
00:09:18,038 --> 00:09:21,126
- How?
- In a bad way, very bad.
173
00:09:21,831 --> 00:09:25,805
- Hey, guys. - Whatever you hear
tonight, just remember I love you. Hey!
174
00:09:31,617 --> 00:09:34,564
Emily, these are my good
friends, Howard and Bernadette.
175
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,693
- Guys, this is Emily.
- Nice to meet you.
176
00:09:36,713 --> 00:09:38,240
- Hi.
- Hello.
177
00:09:38,256 --> 00:09:40,359
Have we met before?
178
00:09:40,925 --> 00:09:43,488
Uh... no.
179
00:09:43,922 --> 00:09:46,697
I-I don't... I don't...
think so.
180
00:09:46,718 --> 00:09:50,413
- You sure? You look familiar.
- Well, you sure don't.
181
00:09:50,427 --> 00:09:53,244
You I know, you
I know, you?
182
00:09:53,270 --> 00:09:55,703
Total stranger.
183
00:09:55,724 --> 00:09:59,217
Even if you had yummy candy,
I would not get in your van.
184
00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:02,766
Did you go to that spin
class on Green Street?
185
00:10:02,782 --> 00:10:04,529
That must be it.
186
00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:07,017
Since when do you
go to spin class?
187
00:10:07,037 --> 00:10:09,338
Wow. Now who
doesn't listen?
188
00:10:11,743 --> 00:10:14,390
Sheldon, your food's getting cold.
What are you doing?
189
00:10:14,408 --> 00:10:19,010
Oh, looking through my textbooks
for a new field of inquiry.
190
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:22,442
Why do we have a
geology book?
191
00:10:22,467 --> 00:10:26,767
Leonard, did you throw a children's
party while I was in Texas?
192
00:10:27,626 --> 00:10:29,599
Wait. What's wrong
with geology?
193
00:10:29,612 --> 00:10:31,813
Let me put this in a way
you'll understand, Penny.
194
00:10:31,826 --> 00:10:33,582
You remember how you
explained to me
195
00:10:33,595 --> 00:10:36,363
that the Kardashians
aren't real celebrities?
196
00:10:36,382 --> 00:10:40,011
Well, geology is the
Kardashians of science.
197
00:10:42,106 --> 00:10:44,835
Have you considered studying
standard model physics?
198
00:10:44,858 --> 00:10:48,973
You want me to give up string theory
for something that's less advanced?
199
00:10:48,999 --> 00:10:52,955
You know, why don't you break up with
Penny and start dating a brown bear?
200
00:10:54,031 --> 00:10:56,637
Like you could get
a brown bear.
201
00:10:57,343 --> 00:11:00,978
Hey, I've got a good job. I could
buy salmon. You don't know.
202
00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:04,076
Maybe you could make
your new field of study
203
00:11:04,102 --> 00:11:06,043
the calculation of
nuclear matrix elements.
204
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,296
Oh, please.
205
00:11:07,315 --> 00:11:10,857
If I wanted to take up a fad,
I'd get a tramp stamp.
206
00:11:14,413 --> 00:11:16,300
What about loop
quantum gravity?
207
00:11:16,313 --> 00:11:18,260
Oh, Duchess, look at me.
208
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,306
My quantum gravity's
positively loopy.
209
00:11:23,487 --> 00:11:24,721
Who's the duchess?
210
00:11:24,744 --> 00:11:27,434
One of the people that
lives in his head.
211
00:11:28,373 --> 00:11:30,860
I hope he's this distraught
if he ever breaks up with me.
212
00:11:30,883 --> 00:11:33,962
Well, if he does, I'll see
if my bear has a friend.
213
00:11:36,194 --> 00:11:38,514
Sheldon, have you ever considered
not rushing into something new?
214
00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:41,427
I mean, why don't you take
your time, enjoy your freedom?
215
00:11:41,447 --> 00:11:44,720
Maybe something new to
study will find you.
216
00:11:45,757 --> 00:11:47,757
That's actually
not bad advice.
217
00:11:47,779 --> 00:11:50,386
You know, I didn't seek
out string theory.
218
00:11:50,401 --> 00:11:53,134
It just hit me over
the head one day.
219
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:54,501
How does that happen?
220
00:11:54,521 --> 00:11:56,889
A bully chased me through
the school library
221
00:11:56,915 --> 00:11:59,921
and hit me over the head with
the biggest book he could find.
222
00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:04,166
Okay, how about we toast
your newfound freedom?
223
00:12:04,195 --> 00:12:06,869
Ah, normally I refrain
from alcohol,
224
00:12:06,889 --> 00:12:10,428
but since my cerebral cortex is
twiddling its proverbial thumbs,
225
00:12:10,467 --> 00:12:14,660
why not soak it in grape juice
that's been predigested by a fungus?
226
00:12:15,848 --> 00:12:18,381
And you wonder why other
children beat you with books.
227
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,285
Cheers!
228
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,555
Emily, what do you do?
229
00:12:24,574 --> 00:12:27,393
I'm a dermatology resident
at Huntington Hospital.
230
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,966
Mmm, and you know
what that means.
231
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:32,478
Someone's skin's about
to be softer than ever.
232
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:37,388
This is making me crazy. I know
I know you from somewhere.
233
00:12:37,410 --> 00:12:39,077
Oh, uh, Howard was
an astronaut.
234
00:12:39,098 --> 00:12:41,291
- Maybe that's where
you saw him. - Wow!
235
00:12:41,314 --> 00:12:43,980
That's amazing.
What was that like?
236
00:12:44,002 --> 00:12:46,943
It was the most incredible
experience of my life.
237
00:12:46,956 --> 00:12:49,399
Up there in the space
station, you're...
238
00:12:49,425 --> 00:12:51,855
Oh, my God, I remember.
239
00:12:52,632 --> 00:12:55,206
Can I finish my
astronaut story?
240
00:12:55,228 --> 00:12:56,435
It was four years ago.
241
00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:58,533
- Please don't say it.
- We were set up on a blind date.
242
00:12:58,553 --> 00:13:00,480
- Please don't say it.
- You came to my apartment.
243
00:13:00,493 --> 00:13:02,359
You're saying it.
244
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:04,308
Well, wh-what happened?
245
00:13:04,343 --> 00:13:06,491
- Yeah, what happened?
- Okay, I'll say it.
246
00:13:07,591 --> 00:13:10,465
I was on the way
to pick her up.
247
00:13:10,488 --> 00:13:12,969
My stomach felt
a little funny.
248
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:16,571
When I got there, I asked if
I could use her bathroom.
249
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,533
Please don't say it.
250
00:13:20,912 --> 00:13:25,635
One roll of toilet paper and 20
minutes later, I was so humiliated,
251
00:13:25,664 --> 00:13:28,737
I snuck out the window
and never saw her again.
252
00:13:28,757 --> 00:13:32,226
You know what else I never saw
again-- my security deposit.
253
00:13:33,392 --> 00:13:37,471
I'm sorry. I tried to unclog it,
but you didn't have a plunger,
254
00:13:37,490 --> 00:13:40,901
- and water was spilling out
everywhere. - Right, just water.
255
00:13:42,961 --> 00:13:45,161
Look, I have felt terrible
about this for years,
256
00:13:45,174 --> 00:13:49,888
and I'm glad I have the opportunity
to tell you just how sorry I am.
257
00:13:49,901 --> 00:13:51,381
It's fine.
258
00:13:51,403 --> 00:13:55,072
All my friends love this story.
They call you Clogzilla.
259
00:13:56,607 --> 00:14:00,428
Get it? Because you clogged up her
bathroom like a radioactive monster!
260
00:14:01,947 --> 00:14:03,667
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
261
00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:07,315
- Howie. - Well, hey, it's not like
cotton candy comes out of you.
262
00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:12,806
Come on, let's get you to bed.
You've had a lot to drink.
263
00:14:12,825 --> 00:14:15,813
- No more than Penny.
- That's what I'm saying.
264
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,088
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
265
00:14:19,370 --> 00:14:20,870
Empty room.
266
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:22,494
Empty room.
267
00:14:22,769 --> 00:14:24,644
Empty room.
268
00:14:25,411 --> 00:14:28,343
If somebody says "Come
in," I'm gonna freak out.
269
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,863
So, Emily, why did you decide
to specialize in dermatology?
270
00:14:36,883 --> 00:14:38,639
I like cutting
people with knives,
271
00:14:38,652 --> 00:14:42,311
and all the other jobs where
you get to do that are illegal.
272
00:14:43,807 --> 00:14:45,207
You're kidding, right?
273
00:14:49,227 --> 00:14:51,234
She's scary, but
it's a cute scary.
274
00:14:53,218 --> 00:14:54,669
Can I say just one more thing?
275
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,382
I had some kind of food
poisoning that day.
276
00:14:57,402 --> 00:15:00,354
Sure, in retrospect,
gas station sushi--
277
00:15:00,386 --> 00:15:02,326
maybe not the best choice.
278
00:15:02,339 --> 00:15:05,104
Nor was climbing out your
window and running away.
279
00:15:05,117 --> 00:15:07,447
But I think we can all understand
how humiliating that was,
280
00:15:07,472 --> 00:15:09,492
and I'd really appreciate
it if we could move on.
281
00:15:09,505 --> 00:15:10,993
Howie, we moved on
a long time ago.
282
00:15:11,013 --> 00:15:13,881
- I'm just saying...
- We moved on.
283
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,858
Okay. Fine.
284
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,039
- How's your soup?
- Ah, it's all right.
285
00:15:23,059 --> 00:15:24,842
They could've filled
the bowl a little more.
286
00:15:29,341 --> 00:15:31,428
- Excuse me.
- Where are you going?
287
00:15:31,444 --> 00:15:32,631
I need some fresh air.
288
00:15:32,651 --> 00:15:34,648
Been there.
289
00:15:55,085 --> 00:15:57,072
Oh, no.
290
00:15:58,140 --> 00:16:00,054
What have I done?
291
00:16:24,232 --> 00:16:26,271
How you feeling?
292
00:16:26,829 --> 00:16:28,789
Not so good.
293
00:16:30,077 --> 00:16:32,973
Are you gonna introduce
me to your friend?
294
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:37,374
It's not my friend.
Nothing happened.
295
00:16:38,468 --> 00:16:42,122
I don't know. I heard you
reading pretty loud last night.
296
00:16:43,839 --> 00:16:45,874
Oh, dear Lord.
297
00:16:46,509 --> 00:16:49,709
- Where's Amy? - After she put
you to bed, she went home.
298
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,507
Oh.
299
00:16:51,533 --> 00:16:54,727
I should call her
and apologize.
300
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,347
Oh.
301
00:16:57,993 --> 00:16:59,966
- Oh, no.
- What?
302
00:16:59,985 --> 00:17:03,549
Apparently, I called Stephen
Hawking last night.
303
00:17:04,508 --> 00:17:06,361
First new message.
304
00:17:06,388 --> 00:17:08,920
Hawkman!
305
00:17:09,753 --> 00:17:13,125
It's your old buddy
Sheldonoscopy!
306
00:17:14,417 --> 00:17:16,890
How come you didn't
pick up the phone?!
307
00:17:16,907 --> 00:17:19,358
Oh, right. My bad.
308
00:17:24,754 --> 00:17:27,730
You're awful quiet.
Everything okay?
309
00:17:27,757 --> 00:17:29,183
Not really.
310
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:32,070
I had a bit of an
embarrassing evening.
311
00:17:32,089 --> 00:17:35,152
Ugh. Me, too.
What happened?
312
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:41,934
I drank alcohol and may have left an
unfortunate voice mail for Stephen Hawking.
313
00:17:42,965 --> 00:17:46,515
I wouldn't worry about it. He's
got a pretty good sense of humor.
314
00:17:46,541 --> 00:17:49,424
Oh, I hope so.
315
00:17:49,453 --> 00:17:51,346
What happened to
you last night?
316
00:17:51,364 --> 00:17:56,337
Oh, well, turns out I'd already
met the girl Raj is seeing
317
00:17:56,357 --> 00:17:59,802
when I did a number
on her bathroom.
318
00:18:02,872 --> 00:18:05,253
And that number was two.
319
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:10,386
Well, you know, I've
always been a fan
320
00:18:10,412 --> 00:18:14,879
of a story told by Attar
of Nishapur, about a king
321
00:18:14,911 --> 00:18:17,524
who assembled a
group of wise men
322
00:18:17,537 --> 00:18:21,410
to create a ring that would
make him happy when he was sad.
323
00:18:21,423 --> 00:18:27,616
And that ring was inscribed with
the phrase, "This too shall pass."
324
00:18:28,464 --> 00:18:31,071
- Hey, Cooper!
- Oh, my God.
325
00:18:31,084 --> 00:18:34,614
I heard you drunk-dialed
Stephen Hawking last night?
326
00:18:35,371 --> 00:18:38,766
- Classic!
- Get out of here, Barry.
327
00:18:38,789 --> 00:18:42,148
Whatever you say...
Clogzilla.
328
00:18:45,827 --> 00:18:48,289
Clogzilla. That's
pretty funny.
329
00:18:49,798 --> 00:18:52,459
I don't think
that's gonna pass.
330
00:18:58,413 --> 00:18:59,906
Next message.
331
00:18:59,922 --> 00:19:01,701
It's me again!
332
00:19:01,717 --> 00:19:04,050
I gave up string theory.
333
00:19:04,079 --> 00:19:08,966
You should give up black holes, and
we can totally solve crimes together!
334
00:19:10,605 --> 00:19:11,978
Next message.
335
00:19:12,004 --> 00:19:14,244
Do you know what's great?!
336
00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:17,403
Geology. Oh!
337
00:19:18,327 --> 00:19:20,603
Look at this geode!
338
00:19:20,623 --> 00:19:22,430
That's fun to say!
339
00:19:22,451 --> 00:19:26,753
Gee... ode! Gee... ode!
340
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:28,628
Next message.
341
00:19:28,645 --> 00:19:31,298
Gee... ode!
342
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,821
Gee... ode!
343
00:19:34,050 --> 00:19:36,475
I kiss girls now.
344
00:19:38,086 --> 00:19:39,286
Next message.
345
00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:41,035
Hey, guess who I am!
346
00:19:41,057 --> 00:19:44,881
Beep bop boop bop!
I'm you! Get it?!
347
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:47,889
Next message.
348
00:19:47,904 --> 00:19:50,137
Are you mad at me?
349
00:19:50,813 --> 00:19:56,291
Oh, no, you're mad at me.
I'm so sorry!
350
00:19:56,845 --> 00:19:58,698
Beep bop boop bop.
351
00:19:59,614 --> 00:20:00,974
Next message.
352
00:20:00,996 --> 00:20:06,445
Thiospinel sulfide.
Thiospinel sulfide.
353
00:20:06,474 --> 00:20:09,942
That's even more fun
than "gee... ode."
354
00:20:10,915 --> 00:20:13,708
Hey, did you see
The Lego Movie?
355
00:20:16,452 --> 00:20:18,544
What a jackass.
356
00:20:19,361 --> 00:20:24,361
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther